Darker Nights

I'm not really sure what to write tonight. She's been less responsive today. More deep sleeping. Since about 6pm, she's had more of a rasping breath and can't seem to cough clear her airway. We've given her some medicine that is supposed to help and the hospice nurse came out to assess her. And basically there isn't a lot more we can do. We'll be administering the morphine every hour and this atropine every four hours. I know it is simply the process of a body slowing down. But I can't help but feel I failed somehow to keep this from her. Maybe I couldn't ever stop this, but... Anyway, it's going to be a long night. And I know I don't have a choice, but I don't know that I have this in me. Yesterday she was hanging out with us at the party. Tonight we start the reality of dying. It's violent and ugly and makes the night so much darker. 

I'm not alone. My cousin and my aunt are with me. But I don't want this. 

Thanks in advance for your prayers.