God Speaks to Me in Movie Quotes

Sooooooo! yeah I've seen a calendar. I'm not counting days yet. Although I could. But it seems awfully close. Yikes!!  When I first thought of doing this back in August or September, I had a whole list of things that I needed to do before I left. I mean I have that list now, but its like sell my bike, cancel netflix. That kind of thing. My list in september had a lot of self-improvement on it. Like Lasik eye surgery, full body laser hair removal, become yoga expert, become fluent in Portuguese, probably French as well, immediately attain ideal weight, maintain a daily quiet time and intensify my prayer life (I actually have been praying more, but it's more like desperate pleas of the panicked variety). Basically, I wanted to get as close to a christian version of Angelina Jolie in "Tomb Raider" as possible.  Well, I'm a few weeks from leaving and its possible I might not make that goal. Lara Croft, I am not. That could depress a person.

When I'm depressed I watch movies. (Actually I watch movies when I'm stressed, happy, sad, bored, busy, you name it, but for purposes of our discussion). I love movies. My sister and I have entire conversations in movie quotes much to the eternal frustration of her beloved husband. Sometimes a line from a movie is so great and so fun to say, it just gets stuck in my head, repeating itself over and over. Lately, its been from british BBC movie Lost in Austen. It's said by Darcy in exploded frustration: "Madam! Behold! Fitzwilliam Darcy! I am WHAT I am. If you find yourself unable to 'get at' an alternative version, I must own to being glad!" The rhythm and tone with which the actor says the line is wonderful. I mean who hasn't wanted to declare themselves with a mighty "BEHOLD, it is I!" 

I noticed it would pop into my brain a lot when I was thinking about the vast difference between the Angelina version of myself I wanted to be and the me that sits here typing this into the computer.

"You're not thin enough!"......... I am What I am. 

"You swear too much and you dress like a bum!"......... I am what I am. 

"You're gonna lose your contact lenses in the Amazon!"...... I am what I am. 

"Your Portuguese sucks!"... I am what I am. 

"You're too old! Too selfish! Too busy! Too single! You have hair growing in weird places!"   I am what I am. 

There's been an odd comfort in that. I am what I am. There's no alternative version of myself, for better or worse. And the weird thing is lately, I've been feeling great about myself! I find myself to be delightful and lovely and I have great hair, even with more than a few determined grays. I'm charming and super funny; I crack myself up all the time. I'm smart and caring and I've learned a thing or two about life and the world.  Now I have this amazing opportunity to learn some new things. Just wish that it didn't take leaving to really understand this concept. 

So Brazil! And the World Beyond! Behold, Corrie Cron! I am WHAT I am.  There's nothing more, but nothing less. And I am glad about that.