Tick and Also Tock

Museé d'Orsay in Paris

It's been a very emotional week so far. Understandably.  I leave day after tomorrow!!! That's crazy! But I feel like I've been very productive with the week. I'm about 75% packed for the trip. Just a few items to wash, toiletries and makeup to be sorted. Jewelry to be organized.  I also am packing up and responsibly storing what I leave behind but want to keep.  So LOTS of packing.

The last big thing is selling the car. Which honestly I thought I had a buyer for and that we would be making the final transfer today. But late last night he called and everything seemed shady. And he couldn't nail down WHEN he would have the money (he'd led me to believe he already did) let alone a price. Anyway, people's stories are their own. Everyone's going through a hard time. But his narrative was no longer making any sense and the sale fell through. Probably for the best but still a disappointment.

So here I am with two days to sell this gorgeous car. This car that the other guy's mechanic said was in great shape. And I'm a little nervous. I keep thinking about something my grandfather said all the time when I was learning how to drive. He said, "You got an inch? You got a mile!" Obviously he would say this mostly when I was parking into tight spaces. So I've been thinking. "You got a weekend? You got a --" what? A month? A year? Ugh I don't know. All I know is I would really love to sell this car this weekend. Even if we have to do the final sale when the banks open on Monday.


It's the last big hurdle. Everything else is in place. I've heartbreakingly said goodbye to so many friends and family. I know I've up and left on an adventure many times in my life. And I've said goodbye to many many people many many times. But this time feels different. It stings a bit more. I feel the cost of leaving a bit more this time. Maybe that's just age. Or the fact that I know I won't see any of these people for about a year. Or because all the goobyes make me miss my mom. A lot. She and Cousin Doc Emily literally packed my suitcase for Brazil in 2011. She literally packed our car when Amy and I left for California. She, who always took our leaving the hardest, was always our launch pad. Maybe it's harder because here in Nashville, I'm surrounded by her. So to leave here means to say goodbye to her all over again.

Of course it's not just that. All the goodbyes are hard. The other day I asked Dad, why do you have to LEAVE one place in order to go to another one?? But of course the answer is, that's how it works. That's how it's always worked. And while painful, it is probably the healthiest way for things to work.  So hopefully. If I've got a weekend, I've got all the time I need.