Hello. Still Here
Many moons have we seen since I posted on this blog. Mostly because my writing topics fall into one of two categories: Ridiculously Boring (I drove to work, I worked, I came home, I watched TV, I went to bed. The next day I got up and did it again.) Or the depressing.
My mom has cancer. Did you know that? Stage 4 Breast Cancer. Tumors in her chest, metastases on her bones and microscopic particles in her blood. Nothing can be done. Try to manage pain and try to keep the tumors from growing too excessively. So this is what we do. I've been living with my parents for about a month. Staying. Staying with my parents. I'm not allowed to "live" here just yet. It's too glaring a signal of inevitable demise to my parents. Therefore I'm just visiting. So I get up in the morning, drive to work, I work and then I come home to manage grocery store runs, errands, meals, prescriptions, the taking of prescriptions, cleaning, dishes, gardening, doctors, doctors visits, rides to appointments and any other issues that arise.
Last weekend my mom got so sick she couldn't eat or drink for nearly 24 hours so we took her to the Emergency Room. And we spent two nights in the hospital. And with those two nights, I've been officially initiated into parent care.
Does anyone like hospitals? There are sick and miserable people there and cold tile and who knows how many germs. No one has a nice time in the hospital. We certainly didn't. I'll admit, there were quite a few other patients who were having a much worse weekend than us. But ours wasn't great. You don't sleep much in the hospital. There's always something beeping suddenly or a nurse coming to take vitals or something. Both nights I think I got no more than 2 hours at a stretch. I'll get better at it. I recently read an article about Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. She lives on a 24-hour clock so she's learned to sleep anywhere at the drop of a hat. When she gets the opportunity, she's out. I'll have to learn that skill as well. I've started a list, in fact, of things I'm going to have to do from now on.
1. Keep a list of all my mom's medicine on my phone (done)
2. Keep an overnight bag in my car for sudden hospital stays.
3. Keep a list of mom's doctor's and phone numbers in my phone.
4. Learn to speak medical. If I'm going to tell our story of how we "came to be in the ER tonight" to 12 different nurses and doctors, we're going to make it clear and concise.
5. Have a list of the five people I can call on for anything day or night. I think I know of three, two for sure.
Years ago, back when we were all on MySpace (shudder) I wrote something about my parents and my aunt and how the care required for my grandmother was so encompassing that I could tell it was a bit soul crushing and I felt guilty. I got to leave and have a fabulous existence flitting around LA, going to the beach, laughing with friends. Somedays, when I had nothing to do, I barely moved off my couch until late at night when I'd run out the door to meet friends for a drink at an outdoor beach cafe. WHo lives like that?? And my parents had to stay and stand up under the absolute unwavering pressure of life. Now it's my turn.
This is where I begin caring for my dying mother. And all of the stress and sadness and anger that comes with it. And I can no longer not write about it. This is the next section of the Road I'm on. I don't know what's after this. I can't really think about that right now. This is the course mapped out for me and it's uphill and awful. And it will always be this for as long as it lasts.
SO I've realized a need a few things in my life, in my corner, to turn to. Time for another list.
1. A therapist. I found one I really like. He's recommended listening to Florence + the Machine so we're going to get along just fine.
2. 90 Day Yoga Challenge. More about this later. I'm going to do a vlog about it (God help me).
3. This blog. I have to write about this. I have to process this. My hope is that it will be some funny episodes of life with my mother (She's very funny. She doesn't mean to be, but she is). Some handy tips about managing time and money and parent care, what works and what doesn't. And yes, what it's like to be caring for, fighting with, and losing your mother all at the same time.
So, I'm going to keep writing. Read at your own risk.
My mom has cancer. Did you know that? Stage 4 Breast Cancer. Tumors in her chest, metastases on her bones and microscopic particles in her blood. Nothing can be done. Try to manage pain and try to keep the tumors from growing too excessively. So this is what we do. I've been living with my parents for about a month. Staying. Staying with my parents. I'm not allowed to "live" here just yet. It's too glaring a signal of inevitable demise to my parents. Therefore I'm just visiting. So I get up in the morning, drive to work, I work and then I come home to manage grocery store runs, errands, meals, prescriptions, the taking of prescriptions, cleaning, dishes, gardening, doctors, doctors visits, rides to appointments and any other issues that arise.
Last weekend my mom got so sick she couldn't eat or drink for nearly 24 hours so we took her to the Emergency Room. And we spent two nights in the hospital. And with those two nights, I've been officially initiated into parent care.
Does anyone like hospitals? There are sick and miserable people there and cold tile and who knows how many germs. No one has a nice time in the hospital. We certainly didn't. I'll admit, there were quite a few other patients who were having a much worse weekend than us. But ours wasn't great. You don't sleep much in the hospital. There's always something beeping suddenly or a nurse coming to take vitals or something. Both nights I think I got no more than 2 hours at a stretch. I'll get better at it. I recently read an article about Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. She lives on a 24-hour clock so she's learned to sleep anywhere at the drop of a hat. When she gets the opportunity, she's out. I'll have to learn that skill as well. I've started a list, in fact, of things I'm going to have to do from now on.
1. Keep a list of all my mom's medicine on my phone (done)
2. Keep an overnight bag in my car for sudden hospital stays.
3. Keep a list of mom's doctor's and phone numbers in my phone.
4. Learn to speak medical. If I'm going to tell our story of how we "came to be in the ER tonight" to 12 different nurses and doctors, we're going to make it clear and concise.
5. Have a list of the five people I can call on for anything day or night. I think I know of three, two for sure.
Years ago, back when we were all on MySpace (shudder) I wrote something about my parents and my aunt and how the care required for my grandmother was so encompassing that I could tell it was a bit soul crushing and I felt guilty. I got to leave and have a fabulous existence flitting around LA, going to the beach, laughing with friends. Somedays, when I had nothing to do, I barely moved off my couch until late at night when I'd run out the door to meet friends for a drink at an outdoor beach cafe. WHo lives like that?? And my parents had to stay and stand up under the absolute unwavering pressure of life. Now it's my turn.
This is where I begin caring for my dying mother. And all of the stress and sadness and anger that comes with it. And I can no longer not write about it. This is the next section of the Road I'm on. I don't know what's after this. I can't really think about that right now. This is the course mapped out for me and it's uphill and awful. And it will always be this for as long as it lasts.
SO I've realized a need a few things in my life, in my corner, to turn to. Time for another list.
1. A therapist. I found one I really like. He's recommended listening to Florence + the Machine so we're going to get along just fine.
2. 90 Day Yoga Challenge. More about this later. I'm going to do a vlog about it (God help me).
3. This blog. I have to write about this. I have to process this. My hope is that it will be some funny episodes of life with my mother (She's very funny. She doesn't mean to be, but she is). Some handy tips about managing time and money and parent care, what works and what doesn't. And yes, what it's like to be caring for, fighting with, and losing your mother all at the same time.
So, I'm going to keep writing. Read at your own risk.
I love you Corrie!!
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